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The Joys of Relocation

December 10, 2012

I hate stickers (particularly, the small circular kind), hand-me downs and people.

Not necessarily in that order, but that’s the order they fall when being ranked on my “Shit-That-Annoys-Me”/”Shit-That-Irks-Me” list. Recently, I’ve had to deal with all three, as I just finished scraping stickers off of our new bathtubs.

A month ago, my grandmother moved from her palatial house in the cul-de-sac of Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey to a smaller living quarter in a senior citizen area in Absecon, New Jersey. As of this post, my mom is relocating her stuff from one block to another. I wish I was exaggerating…

Anyways, because I’m the only male person between my mom and my grandmother that is in close (and constant) contact, guess who had to help assist with the majority of the moving?

Yep, you guessed it: Hercules.


I learned a lot during that time moving. Some of it, I didn’t see coming. Some of it, I should have seen coming. Some of it, I’m glad I saw coming. The first thing I learned is that when it comes to moving, people are usually unprepared. This is because their time frame of moving appears to be “I’m about to move,” with no time frame whatsoever.

Pictured: A calendar. Not pictured: The time frame that is “I’m about to move.”

So instead of having ample time to carry boxes from work to home (which is a 40-minute bus ride and a 30-minute walk), packing up and cleaning, most people are forced to do it during the most inconvenient times. For example, the quality time you hoped to spend with your girlfriend (who lives in another state, mind you) is wasted with cleaning and packing efforts, simply because of poor planning.

I also learned that the greatest test of communication comes from the relocation process. If you and your family member/significant other/spouse can successfully move with little to no argument with each other, under no circumstances should you ever disown them. Unless you catch them cheating.

Once the moving process begins, there will be discussions. There will be arguments. The most I can tell you is to record everything. Hire a lawyer or a stenographer if need be. Trust me, it helps during your next court case the car ride, when you’re explaining about the broken couch that you were totally told you were not supposed to take!

Tip: It’s never a good idea to tell someone bad news in close quarters.

There is no down time. Not during the move, anyway. You will take solace during the work/activity hours. Sane people exist here, maybe even those that have experienced the moving process.

“So you punched her after you said you took the couch?”


You will not sleep. Not often. There’s things that have to be done. And a lack of sleep often raises irritation. Which is the absolute last thing you need while moving.

Also, realize that there will never not be problems. Never! Whether it’s people wondering when the Hell you’re moving out so you can…y’know…move in, and/or vice versa, the heat not being on at your house or the (totally unexpected) mess the previous tenant left, there will always be something wrong. Always.

Once this circle of Hell part of the process becomes complete, a feeling of excitement starts to spread. You know where stuff is supposed to go. Stuff gets put somewhere, and suddenly, the TV that used to stare at you every time you entered your living room for 2 years looks like you just purchased it yesterday.

Move #2 has been crossed off my list. There’s one more to go. Hopefully, things go smoother moving by myself than they do when moving with someone else. And that stickers aren’t infiltrating the tub or the bathroom.

Are there any other tips that I may have missed? Feel free to add them in the comments section.

  1. 1) Stickers are to be used for good! Color code your items (move, donate, throw away), color code the boxes they go in (living room box, kitchen box, bathroom box) and color code the door frame of the room they’ll go in once you get them to your destination (living room, kitchen, bathroom). Why? Simplicity and overall cohesion.

    2) Take a little time to remember the place. When I moved out (the first time) I sat in the middle of my empty room and just soaked up the memories while on a food break. It helps to take away some of the stress and remember the good times.

    Lastly, good luck with the next one. The move, that is. 😉

    • The Human Spider permalink

      1) Problem is, when little kids get their hands on them (specifically, small circular ones), they use them for unreasonable evil.

      2) Will do. Matter of fact, I’ve done that more than one occasion. Now that I’ve gotten the chance.

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