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The Dilemma of The Human Spider

January 23, 2012

If I could properly describe myself, I would use this analogy: Intelligent enough to know that pedophiles are bad people, but oblivious enough to have a conversation with them about Disney movies.

I’m always learning and trying to understand the way of the world, but I’m still unable to understand people.  Sure, I can give you advice (whether you asked for my opinion or not is irrelevant), but otherwise, I’m learning like you are.  Especially when it comes to the opposite sex.

Of course, there are times where I forget that the opposite sex exists.  (Don’t ask.)  When I remember that they do, I’m nervous and clueless around them. When I do muster up any courage, I’m seen as the eccentric sage or the goofy guy; cool enough as a friend, but not attractive enough sexually.

With that in mind, I’m currently a carrier of the V-card. It’s not something I’m ashamed of, but it’s not something I brag about. Until the day I stopped being afraid of other people’s perceptions, losing my V-card was a very important goal in high school. Now, my goals have substantially changed. After all, it takes two to tango, but I’m not active looking for a tango partner.

If only I had realized this revelation when I was 16…right, Tes?

I’m also a bit pessimistic. In my youth, I was usually the target for those “She likes you” jokes that friends would attempt to mess with one another. To those reading this, excuse me if I still haven’t laughed at them, as they still left me jaded.

Also, I usually kept to myself. For every reason that a person would keep to themselves without involving criminal activities (examples include murder and rape). Usually the rare female would take it upon themselves to make conversation and befriend me. This usually irks me, because if falls under the assumption that I’m lonely and need friends, or else I’ll die a horrible death. Most times, I would wind up falling for them. Give you three guesses about the outcome.

Of course, I found myself in this exact situation a few months ago, when I was doing orientation for a store that just opened on The Walk. While we were waiting for the managers to enter the building, one of my new coworkers began holding conversation with me. I wasn’t as blunt as I usally am, but I was still reserved. After all, it’s better to be on the good side of the new coworkers. Makes the workplace less stressful.

So it came to my surprise when I recently heard that she had taken a liking to me. The first two people I heard it from don’t exactly have my full trust, so I deemed it a joke amd kept it moving. Yet when a coworker that I deem trustworthy confirmed it, I was floored. Granted me and her were cool, but I always figured she saw me as a friend.

Problem is, she’s heading out to New York soon. I’d like to think she has an infatuation, but I wouldn’t mind if we’d remain friends. However, I don’t want to walk away from this situation with a “What If” on my record. I’ve been told enough “The One That Got Away” storied that if some kind of disaster were to unfold, I could tap one from memory to keep me entertained.

So now I’m left with a fork in the road: try to feed my curiosity or leave this situation well alone. It’s a tough fork, but as I write this, I realize that it’s better to say “I tried” than to look back at what could’ve been.

The road to life is never an easy one.

  1. The fact you linked me literally made me grin like an idiot. Thanks for that. It made my day. 😀

    The thing is, I’m learning about love and men now after years of thinking I already knew it all. 16 was a hard-headed year. 19 was a heartbroken year, and now at 21 I’m just getting around to accepting compliments about my appearance even though I still don’t believe them and coming around to the idea that men are men and not just..ideas.


    As for the girl, I know how it is to feel shocked that someone likes you because I feel that way all the time. I say all that to say…none of us have this life thing figured out. That’s no excuse to not attempt. Go for it! You’ll never know until you ask…and even if it isn’t a long lasting thing, it is a step in the right direction. If not…you’ve always got me 😀

  2. My apologies. I was busy with other projects, and I never got around to approving the comments, so I just combined both of your comments and made them one. Yeah, I managed to muster up some courage, and ask so…

    But on the bright side, at least I got someone in my corner. 🙂

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